


Kreia's a what?

by Sarah1281



Category: Star Wars Legends: Knights of the Old Republic
Genre: Parody, old fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-31
Updated: 2015-08-31
Packaged: 2018-04-18 05:54:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 16,327
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4694540
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sarah1281/pseuds/Sarah1281
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which an incredibly unobservant Exile stumbles her way through the end of the game, starting with the Jedi Enclave and refusing to believe that Kreia's a Sith, no matter HOW many people she's manipulated, blackmailed, or killed.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Sith aren't going to lure THEMSELVES to Telos

"Hey guys," the Exile said, entering the Jedi Enclave, which seemed to have been rebuilt in the five minutes it took to walk there from Khoonda. "Hey, didn't I leave before you?" she asked Vrook.

Pointedly pretending not to hear her, Vrook said gravely, "I think you know why we called you here."

"But…you didn't call me here. I went out of my way to find you," the Exile pointed out. "And you refuse to believe I'm not evil, Master Zez-Kai-Ell refuses to believe I'm not out to kill him, and Master Kavar…Well, he really couldn't get over the fact that I was traveling with a Mandalorian, an assassin droid, an Exchange Crime Lord, a bounty hunter who wants to claim my bounty, and an Iridonian with some extreme anger issues."

"I was also concerned about your droid fetish," Kavar added helpfully. Really, a crew of about ten and four droids? That couldn't possibly be normal.

"Hey, where's Atris, anyway? I sent her a message telling her we were going to meet up here," the Exile said, looking around in vain.

Zez-Kai-Ell sighed. "We have told you, Exile. Atris went to Katarr."

"No, she didn't," the Exile said irritably. "She was the one who wanted me to find you lot in the first place. Come to think of it, I'm pretty sure I still have the message she sent me last week." She took out her comlink and cycled through her messages. Hanhaar sent her quite a few for her to pass on to Mira.

Finally finding it, she played it and instantly Atris's image appeared, the very picture of annoyance. "Look, I don't care how many credits you're cheating that poor Ithorian out of or WHAT you need it for, I need you to hurry up. The Sith aren't going to lure themselves to Telos."

As the image of the Jedi Historian faded away, the other Jedi stared at the spot where it had been in disbelief.

"Well," Kavar said finally. "That was certainly unexpected, but we can deal with that when we're done here."

"But what are we doing here? Surely we can catch up on the way to Telos?" the Exile suggested.

Zez-Kai-Ell coughed awkwardly. "Exile, I'm afraid you're not going with us to Telos."

The Exile blinked. "So, you're going to get your own ride?"

"Well, yes, but what I meant was-" Zez-Kai-Ell tried to clarify.

"Exile, you're a threat to everyone around you and the galaxy at large," Vrook said bluntly.

"Vrook," Kavar turned to him, annoyed. "I thought we were going to break it to her gently."

Vrook snorted. "Subtlety is lost on her; don't pretend you don't know that."

"Hey, wait, what's this about me being a threat?" the Exile asked indignantly.

"You destroyed Peragus. You nearly got the Ithorians killed. You destroyed Dantoinne's defenses."

"Hey! Peragus is still not my fault! If people want to stalk me while I'm unconscious and getting kidnapped, then I cannot be held accountable for their actions! And just because I got lost on the way back to the Ithorian compound doesn't mean it's my fault! Czerka hired the mercenaries and I still got there in time to save Chodo Habat," the Exile protested.

"Technically, if you had not gotten involved, they would not have been in danger. And besides, half of the Ithorians were dead before you got there!"

"It was the will of the Force," the Exile shrugged.

"YOU CAN'T JUST USE THAT TO JUSTIFY THINGS EVERY TIME YOU MESS UP!" Vrook thundered.

"Why not? You all do," she pointed out.

"What about when you nearly destroyed Khoonda?" challenged Vrook.

"That was an accident!" At the others skeptical expressions, the Exile hastened to explain. "Zherron asked me to fix the jammed door before the mercenaries got there and so, naturally, I assumed that he meant to actually fix it and so I got it to open. How was I supposed to know that by 'fix' he meant 'break'?"

Kavar looked stricken. "It sounds like that was rather obvious."

"It was," Vrook confirmed. "But, as I have said, subtlety is lost on her."

"I'm still here, you know," the Exile reminded them.

"We know," all three said in unison.

"Just checking. And Zherron complained that the mines weren't going to do any good because they were so sparse that the mercenaries could just walk around them, so I figured, why not recover those mines myself and sell them?" the Exile asked.

"He wanted you to put more mines down, not remove the ones that were already there!" Vrook cried.

"Then he really should have said so," the Exile countered. "And besides, I needed the money."

"What could you possibly have needed the money for?" Zez-Kai-Ell asked in shock. "When I saw you on Nar Shaddaa, you had credits to burn. Literally. I still have that figuring made me out of credits of the Jedi Temple on Coruscant. Very fine craftsmanship."

"Thanks!" the Exile beamed. "And I did have credits to burn. 'Did' being the operative word. Then I got Goto's yacht blown up and so he's making me pay to replace it, despite the fact it's his own damn fault for kidnapping me and antagonizing Vogga in the first place, and so consequentially I've become rather short on credits lately."

"What about the turrets you sabotaged, the medical droids and defense droids you destroyed, the wounded men you killed, the demoralizing speech you gave the troops, the message you failed to deliver, and the potential recruits you let bribe you?" Vrook demanded.

The Exile put her hand behind her head and laughed nervously as the other two Master stared at her in horror. "Well, you see, about that…I kept trying to fix the turrets, but it kept saying something about finding some mythical terminal I don't believe exists, so I many have accidentally stabbed them all with a Vibroblade. Repeatedly. And the men wouldn't have died if the medical droid hadn't blown up, which it chose to do after I failed to guess the password to access it's programming for the 47th time and somehow triggered its self-destruct sequence."

She paused. "Although I'm still at a loss as to why a medical droid was equipped with a self-destruct sequence. The other droids started attacking me when I activated them, because I scrolled down on their programming list and hit 'Attack friendly targets only.' Come to think of it, that is a horrible design flaw. Anyone with any skill with computers-"

"Or utter incompetence," Vrook muttered.

"Could exploit that. And it's hardly my fault if I was behind on my payment to G0-T0 and the settlers were willing to give me 300 credits to exempt them from serving. I guess maybe they thought that it was a draft or something."

"I don't understand why you're paying him at all," Kavar said.

The Exile stared at him in disbelief. "Hello? Crime Lord? Could get me killed? It's best not to piss him off." She tilted her head, thinking. "Still, though, perhaps it was for the best. Khoonda could really use those credits. Their defenses suck."

Vrook was so speechless by this blatant refusal to take responsibility for her actions that he could only glare at her, incensed.

"As for the speech, well, there was really nothing. I could do about that. My speechwriter assured me that it was truly inspiring," the Exile said defensively.

"Exile, that speech went on for twenty minutes on how best to brutally slaughter the mercenaries and gave exquisite detail on exactly what each of those methods did to a variety of species and how you doubted they'd be able to survive the battle as they were all annoying, pseudo-pacifistic whining meatbags!" Vrook exploded. "Who was your speechwriter, you're assassin droid?"

"Well, yes, actually," the Exile said, surprised. "He volunteered. But how did you know?" The only response Vrook made was a groan. "And as for the message to that mercenary guy, well, I kind of forgot," she admitted sheepishly. "But come on, you can hardly blame me for that, there was a lot going on, what, with Khoonda's defenses being in shambles and everything."

"Then…how in the name of the Force did you manage to beat back the mercenaries?" Kavar asked, unsure if he really wanted to know.

"I used the Force to electrocute everyone in sight," the Exile explained cheerfully.

"Isn't that a bit…Sith-like?" Kavar asked cautiously.

"That's what I keep saying and you kept telling me I was 'overreacting'," Vrook grumbled.

"Nope," the Exile contradicted, still chipper. "All Jedi can't do is wield a red lightsaber or use Force Crush."

"I…I think I am beginning to see your point, Vrook," Kavar confessed.

"What sort of havoc did she wreak on Onderon?" Vrook asked.

"Well…None, really, but then, all we did was point her in the direction of Vaklu's troops and let her go at it. She did fail to act like a Jedi when dealing with General Vaklu himself, though," Kavar said reprovingly.

"Well, first of all, if you keep insisting I'm not a Jedi then I don't see why I should bother trying to act like one," the Exile huffed.

"A Jedi would act like one anyway," Vrook told her sanctimoniously.

The Exile's hands twitched towards her lightsaber, but she didn't respond Instead, she continued with her explanation. "It just seemed to me that maybe Vaklu had a point, is all," she shrugged.

"Then why did you let the Queen kill him?" Kavar asked, clearly not following her admittedly skewed reasoning.

"I just told you. Because he had a point. Weren't you listening?" the Exile demanded, annoyed.

"Perhaps you could tell us what Vaklu had a point about," Zez-Kai-Ell spoke up before Vrook had a chance to attempt to strangle her.

"Oh, well, he told the Queen that if they arrested him, he'd be out within a week. Given that half of the city supported him, I figured he probably would and therefore, leaving him alive to stage another coup would probably not be the best plan."

"That…actually…makes sense," Kavar whispered, stunned.

The Exile glared witheringly at him. "That's not exactly a novel occurrence, you know."

Kavar wisely chose not to reply.

"What sort of irreparable damage did she cause on the Smuggler's Moon?" Vrook asked, turning to Zez-Kai-Ell.

Zez-Kai-Ell hesitated. "Well, it's really hard to say…" He paused, thinking back. "Lots of senseless, violent acts are committed there all the time, so it is difficult to fully ascertain what the Exile was responsible for. I am reasonably certain that she wiped out the Serrocoans and the Exchange from the Refugee Sector, though."

Vrook's eyes bulged. "The Serrocoans? They were refugees. They belonged there."

The Exile shook her head defiantly. "They were thugs who formed a gang and were playing 'Let's-see-how-little-space-the-ever-growing-number-of-refugees-can-take-up' with the Exchange. They enjoyed that game far too much to help me get rid of the Exchange in that sector, and so they attacked me and I was forced to defend myself."

The Masters exchanged a look, certain more had transpired than that, but equally certain that they did not really want to know.

"She was also rumored to have convinced a mildly ill man to kill himself, purchased a slave, get a Republic war hero a job with pirates, got a family off the planet with an Ithorian-supremacist, and ruined the reunion of a couple torn apart by war by getting one of them killed," Zez-Kai-Ell informed them.

"Well, that certainly sounds damning, but let me guess: You have a perfectly reasonable explanation for all of this," Vrook said sarcastically.

"Actually, yes," the Exile agreed. "The sick guy said he had the plague, and with so little space, that would spread like Sith teachings through a Jedi Academy. I thought I was doing them a favor!"

"He actually had a bad cold coupled with a sore throat," Zez-Kai-Ell corrected her.

"Exile!" Vrook cried. "How could you not tell the difference between a cold and the plague?"

"I'm not a healer! I wasn't trained in this! He said he had the plague, I figured he would know!"

"What about your slave-buying?" challenged Vrook.

"Her mother couldn't pay a debt, her daughter was taken, I got her back! What's wrong with that?"

"You bought her," Vrook repeated.

"You keep saying that! I know that, but what would you have had me do? Slaughter all the Exchange thugs in the sector?" the Exile asked rhetorically.

"Didn't Zez-Kai-Ell say you did that anyway?" Kavar spoke up.

"Oh yeah," the Exile said, scratching the back of her neck. "Well, that was different. They were mad I killed the Serroco gang and they couldn't squeeze the Refugees as hard."

"And the ruined reunion?" Vrook pressed.

"Hey, I told her I cleared a path to her husband. It's not my fault if she took off before I could tell her which path."

"She took the shortest path and the Exile had cleared the long way around," Zez-Kai-Ell elaborated.

"Why would you do that?" Vrook asked.

"I was new there! I didn't have a map! I was doing the best I could! And before you ask, it took me two hours to convince that Ithorian to actually take them and the spice ship was the only one that needed a captain! They're lucky I found them any passage off the planet at all," the Exile said stubbornly, crossing her arms defiantly.

"Exile, we realize that your intentions were…well, not honorable, exactly, but not setting out to cause widespread death and destruction. Still, you tend to cause it anyway. Everywhere you go. You've got to be stopped now before you go off to an important planet like Coruscant," Kavar told her gravely.

"Just what do you propose to do?" the Exile asked, hand on her lightsaber.

"Oh don't be so melodramatic," Vrook snapped. "We're just going to cut you off from the Force."

The Exile relaxed. "Oh. Why didn't you just say so? I didn't really want the Force back in the first place."

The Masters looked surprised at this and Vrook put her in stasis just to be safe.

No sooner had they started the ritual, however, than Kreia came in and used the Force to knock the three Masters back and the Exile to the ground.

"Kae? I thought you died in the Mandalorian Wars," Kavar greeted her.

"You were blinded by your own preconceptions," came Kreia's cryptic answer.

"But…we found your body. You had no pulse and weren't breathing and were certainly very corpse-like," Kavar protested.

"Yes, well, I do that sometimes. Anyway, that's not the reason I came here," Kreia quickly changed the subject.

"Why did you come here, Exile?" Zez-Kai-Ell asked quietly.

"We really can't call her 'Exile' if we're calling the Exile 'Exile'," Kavar pointed out. "Besides, since she died, we restored her name."

The Exile, still in stasis, immediately began planning her own death and subsequent return so she could finally reveal to everyone that her name was, in fact-

"Alright. Why did you come here, Kae?" Zez-Kai-Ell asked again.

"Your arrogance is astounding!" Kreia snapped.

"…Where is this coming from?" Kavar asked. "We haven't really done anything astoundingly arrogant since that time we pretended to redeem Revan."

Kreia ignored them. "She has brought you truth and you condemn it? How dare you?"

"Look, I'm not sure what the Exile was supposed to tell us, but she didn't. Perhaps if you would like to do it instead?" Kavar prompted.

Kreia blinked. "You mean she hasn't told you that you can live without the Force and by doing that you can be truly free to make your own choices?"

"No, I think it's safe to say that she didn't," Zez-Kai-Ell answered her.

"Oh, well then…She surely would have had you given her the opportunity to defend herself against your wild accusations!" Kreia quickly rallied.

"But we did give her a chance to defend herself. She didn't mention anything like that. And she actually seemed kind of eager to get cut off from the Force," Zez-Kai-Ell contradicted.

"Lies!" Kreia insisted. "You, Kavar, walked the surface of Onderon, chasing the echoes, and yet you never stopped to listen. Zez-Kai-Ell, you hid yourself from the Force and refused to see it on Nar Shaddaa. Vrook, I've lost too many pupils to you, but you shall not have this one!"

"If I've told you once, I've told you a thousand times, Kae. If you do not teach your pupils the basic distinctions between light and dark, they will not be able to appreciate the subtleties of your…views…" Vrook told her.

"I was a little busy dealing with a violent civil war," Kavar pointed out.

Everyone looked at Zez-Kai-Ell. "I…actually don't have an excuse," Zez-Kai-Ell admitted.

"Enough!" Kreia burst out suddenly. "I will not hear your lies! The Exile is the key to destroying the Force!"

"Well…No arguments here," Vrook agreed, surprising everyone. "By the way, is there any point in asking why you want the Force destroyed?"

"Because I hate it," came the prompt answer.

"How do you hate the Force?" Kavar asked, bewildered.

"It is cruel and manipulates you into doing its bidding. I highly resent that, and thus the Force must," Kreia replied primly.

Vrook sighed heavily, feeling as though he was speaking to a petulant child. "There is no concrete evidence that the Force manipulates anything or, in fact, even has a will of its own. We just say that to help people understand why bad things happen. It's no different than believing in fate and, as the Force is not a physical entity, it is simply not very feasible to destroy it. Even if you manage to kill all current Force-users, random mutations will ensure that there will always be Force-sensitives and, just like at the beginning of our Order, some will learn to manipulate the Force and the cycle will begin again. Besides, without the Force, you can't very well expect such a small group of people to be able to take down the armies of a corrupt leader and with no one to stop them, the galaxy will fall into such a time of tyranny, the likes of which haven't been seen for generations!"

Kreia considered this briefly. "That's an excellent point." She drained the Force from the three Masters and watched them fall to the ground, dead. "A very good point. But then, I've always hated logic. 'Not feasible,' he says. I'll show him…" Kreia muttered, walking over to a handmaiden sister. "Take me to Atris."

Surprisingly, despite just having witnessed firsthand Kreia's mad Jedi-killing skills, she did so.


	2. I'm telling you, you didn't fall

The Exile leisurely walked back to her ship. Common sense dictated that she hurry, but that had never been her strong suit. Not to mention she was slightly annoyed she had to go chasing after Kreia and so she decided to get back at her by taking her time and claiming whatever happened as a result of that was the will of the Force.

Upon finally arriving at and entering the Ebon Hawk, she found Atton passed out on the floor of the cockpit and the rest of the crew mysteriously absent.

The Exile poked Atton with her foot. "Hey, hey Atton! What have I told you about piloting drunk?"

Groaning, Atton roused himself. "That it couldn't possibly make my piloting any worse than it already is?"

"Exactly," the Exile beamed. "But you probably shouldn't do it anyway, just in case."

"Exile, I wasn't drinking," Atton corrected her. "I was attacked."

"By alcoholism?" she asked innocently.

"No. I was attacked by that Sith Lord you travel with."

"Who?"

"That old hag."

"Pardon?" the Exile asked.

"That old woman."

"I don't understand."

"Kreia," Atton finally said, shuddering.

"Now, was that so hard? You never say her name, you know. I was beginning to wonder if you even knew it."

"I never use your name, either," Atton reminded her.

"Of course not; Master Vrook would have fined me a ridiculous amount of credits that, quite frankly, I just can't afford to pay right now. Or ever, if none of you ever decided to help me pay for Goto's yacht."

"Well, I don't see why we should. It's your fault it blew up," Atton told her.

"I was kidnapped! You and Mira are the ones who turned off the ship's cloaking devices."

"I fail to see the connection."

"Figures," the Exile muttered. "And now that Master Vrook is dead, I will continue to go by 'The Exile' so as to honor his memory."

"Wait, Vrook's dead?" Atton asked hopefully.

"Yeah, Kreia killed him for being too logical," the Exile revealed. "And Masters Kavar and Zez-Kai-Ell for good measure."

"Finally concrete, irrefutable proof you cannot possibly deny that she's a Sith Lord," Atton said triumphantly.

"That who's a Sith Lord?" the Exile asked blankly.

"Kreia," Atton repeated.

"Kreia's a what?" she shrieked.

"A Sith Lord."

"Don't be ridiculous, Atton," the Exile snapped.

"I'm not!" Atton protested. "You denied it when Sion called Kreia his teacher, when she insulted and mocked the Jedi once every three minutes or so, threatened everyone on this ship except for you, and refused to use anything but a red lightsaber."

"Of course, that's merely circumstantial evidence," the Exile explained.

"Perhaps," Atton allowed. "But now she killed the last Jedi Masters and so you can't possibly refuse to believe it anymore."

"Can too," the Exile said stubbornly. "I still don't think that proves anything."

"Um, hello? Killed the Jedi Masters? Ring a bell?"

"So? I've often been tempted to, as well. I hate logic," the Exile said blithely.

"Then why are you honoring Vrook's memory?" he asked, confused.

"Because he's awesome," the Exile replied. "Duh."

"Excuse me?" came the incredulous response.

The Exile's eyes shown. "He is. He has a very dry sense of humor and actually follows the Jedi Code and has never lied to me. Unlike EVERYONE ELSE in the Order."

"I don't believe it. Vrook has a fangirl. But moving on…Where should we go now?" Atton asked, quickly changing the subject.

"Telos, I guess," the Exile shrugged.

"Any particular reason?" questioned Atton, who was thinking more along the lines of Nar Shaddaa.

"Well, that's where Atris is," the Exile told him, looking as though she thought he was stupid.

"And this is relevant because…?" Atton asked irritably, not appreciating the Exile's insinuation.

"Because one of those creepy handmaidens Atris had randomly came to the Enclave for no apparent reason and agreed to take Kreia to Telos for an unspecified purpose."

Atton stared at her. "That makes no sense whatsoever."

"I know, it doesn't, does it?" the Exile agreed. "Just like it doesn't make sense that Kreia came here and attacked you when the Handmaiden had her own ship and that the rest of the crew's vanished. Speaking of, I should probably go look for them. Set a course of Telos."

"But the others aren't here," Atton protested.

"So? If they don't make it, then it was the will of the Force. Either way, I'm going to go look for them in the girls' dormitory. On the bed. Lying down. With my eyes closed."

"So, in other words, you're going to take a nap?" Atton asked. The Exile nodded. "I REALLY hate Jedi."

When the Exile got to the dormitory, she was just about to lay down when she heard a voice behind her.

"Hiding yourself away?"

The Exile turned around to face the Disciple. "Not really; I was technically looking for you."

"In the girls' dormitory?" the Disciple asked, raising an eyebrow.

The Exile flushed. "Well, not you exactly. In fact, in here I'd be looking for Mira and Visas. Where were you guys anyway?"

Choosing not to answer that, the Disciple returned to his speech. "You're worried; I can tell."

"Not particularly, no…"

"And you're in denial, it seems. I want you to know that there is absolutely no truth in the Jedi's allegations that you're secretly controlling us and we have no will of our own," the Disciple said reassuringly.

Of course, this was the first the Exile had heard of this and, as such, it did not exactly have the desired effect. "WHAT?!"

"Yes, as shocking as this is, I do believe in you," the Disciple said cheerfully.

"That's great, but what were you saying about me destroying your free will?"

"Jedi lies?" the Disciple suggested.

"When did they tell you this?" the Exile demanded.

Skillfully dodging the question, the Disciple asked, "Didn't the Jedi Masters give that as the reason they were going to cut you off from the Force?"

"NO!"

"Oh, well, they were going to," the Disciple told her.

"I think they might have started to bring it up, but they were sidetracked by the tragic story of my economic woes," explained the Exile.

"I…see…Well, don't worry about it."

"I wasn't," the Exile informed him, still horrified and beginning to twitch.

The Disciple decided that perhaps it was time to take his leave.

\--

When the Exile arrived at the Jedi Academy on Telos, Atton told her in no uncertain terms that she would be doing this without him. When he explained to the others what had happened the last time they were there, they quickly echoed his sentiments.

And so it was that the Exile found herself walking the halls alone. Strange, though, that there was nary a handmaiden or former mentor in sight. She finally reached Atris's private domain and opened her mouth to speak, only to be cut off by some babbling holocrons.

After trying twice more, the Exile finally managed to say, "Okay, now what in the name of the Force is that?"

"Those are Sith holocrons I rescued from destruction. I knew that I needed to understand the Sith if I was going to defeat them," Atris told her calmly. That in itself was odd. Atris had never been able to be in the Exile's presence for more than two minutes without blowing up at her. That was one of the reasons her trial had been so short, after all.

"Um, Atris dear? You won't be defeating anyone holed up in an ice cap," the Exile told her gently.

"Which is why I'm luring them to Telos."

"But they won't think to look up here. We barely thought to and most people aren't as smart as Bao-Dur." The Exile shook her head. "Man and I thought Malak was bad at strategy."

Atris flushed angrily and began to give a retort, but was cut off by the holocrons.

"Do they always do that?" the Exile had to shout to be heard.

Atris hollered back, "You have no idea…"

"Why don't you turn them off, then?" the Exile asked sensibly.

"Because I must rely on their wisdom. Unfortunately, right now they are displeased with me," Atris explained in a normal voice after the holocrons died down.

"How? They're…holocrons, prerecorded. I really don't think they can even tell what you're doing, Atris. And, disregarding the questionable wisdom of a Jedi listening to a bunch of Sith, they sound like they're saying the same thing over and over again. Do you even understand them?" the Exile demanded.

"It is too late for me, I have fallen," Atris declared dramatically, trying to distract the Exile.

It worked. "Um, what are you talking about? Where is all this coming from?" the Exile asked.

"I had fallen some time ago, I should think. I just hadn't admitted it," Atris said wistfully.

The Exile wasn't sure she'd heard that correctly. "Um, come again?" When Atris repeated herself, the Exile just shook her head. "That's what I thought you said. Still, how do you not notice that you fell?"

"Well, I'm not quite sure. I suppose that was rather unobservant of me, wasn't it?" Atris remarked idly.

The Exile snorted. "Tell me about it. Now, I know I've been out of touch with the galaxy for a while, but to me, falling entails killing or attempting to kill assorted friends of family members and committing grievous acts of violence against the galaxy at large, perhaps killing a planet or two." She paused, remembering Peragus and Malachor. "Intentionally, that is. Unless you get amnesia or have multiple personality disorder, I fail to see how you can neglect to realize you're a Sith."

"That's what makes it so insidious," Atris told her, sounding eerily like Kreia. "It is not deeds so much as thought."

"That makes no sense whatsoever!" the Exile protested. "The Jedi have always had far too much work dealing with the homicidal-lunatic Sith to concern themselves with people who want to kill everyone, but don't."

"My teachings could corrupt many-" Atris began.

"Nuh-uh," the Exile interrupted. "As long as you're gonna stay up here in a bloody icecap with those creepy handmaidens, you won't be getting any students TO corrupt. And I'm still hung up on the whole 'I-didn't-know-I-was-evil-thing.' I mean, who do you think you are, Revan?"

"I admit, it's a bit hard to comprehend how I, Atris, last of the Jedi and paragon of the Jedi Order could possibly be less than perfect, but it is true enough, I assure you."

The Exile stared at her. "Not as hard as you'd think."

Atris narrowed her eyes. "Just die."

After a short lightsaber fight (after all, Atris was a historian), Atris, breathing heavily, begged, "End this."

The Exile, who was not a pushover and, as such, hadn't even broken a sweat, held up a hand to forestall any further pleadings from Atris. "Hold on, hold on. I don't want to kill you; I just want you to explain."

"Explain what?" Atris asked blankly.

"Explain how you can NOT notice you've fallen and yet still fall. Were you actively thinking Sithy thoughts?" the Exile asked.

"Well, I'm not sure," Atris paused, frowning. "Define 'Sithy thoughts', please."

"Um, I don't know, thoughts of death and destructions and acts accompanying it," the Exile said lamely.

"Then no, I don't think I have."

"Then you're not a Sith," the Exile said, exasperated.

"But Kreia said-" Atris began.

"You're all so down on her," the Exile complained. "She's a harmless old woman."

"She's a Sith Lord!"

The Exile crossed her arms. "I don't believe you."

"Exile, she told me that 'there must always be a Darth Traya, one that has been betrayed in their hearts and betrays others in turn'," Atris told her solemnly.

"Well, I'm not sure about 'must be', but of course there will be if everyone who ever gets betrayed betrays everyone else. It's like the ultimate Anti-pay-it-forward."

"I think you may have missed my point," Atris said.

"Oh, well what was the point?"

"Kreia is Darth Traya!"

"Nonsense," the Exile said dismissively. "Has she ever specifically told you this?"

"Well…" Atris trailed off, considering. "No. But it was heavily implied. She even said, 'It is such a quiet thing to fall, but far more terrible is to admit it'."

"So? I firmly believe she was just making an idle observation about life."

Atris sighed. "Yes, you would , wouldn't you?"

"And Kreia told me about Darth Traya, too. She never said she was her, though."

"Maybe she didn't want to alienate you. I mean, you're rather obnoxiously lightside, as you always seem to be able to rationalize your way out of darkside points," Atris said, a little bitterly.

"I don't know what you're talking about," the Exile said blithely. "And I don't think that factored into it; we take all kinds."

"Even Sith?" Atris raised her eyebrows.

"Yep," the Exile responded, thinking of Atton.

"Why?" Atris asked, aghast.

"Asks the girl who insists she's a Sith," the Exile muttered. "And really, who in the galaxy hasn't been a Sith at some point in time?"

"You?" Atris asked.

The Exile snorted. "Not according to Vrook."

"Just because Vrook says you're a Sith doesn't mean you are," Atris snapped.

To her surprise, the Exile smiled. "Sound familiar? Even if Kreia (who is still not a Sith) did somehow accidentally convince you that you're a Sith, you're not. A crappy teacher, granted, but no Sith."

Atris nodded, conceding the point. "What will you do with me if you will not kill me?" she asked, a hint of desperation in her voice. "You can't just leave me here alone with these holocrons; you can't!"

"I don't intend to." With that, the Exile raised her hands and shot Force Lightening at the holocrons, finally silencing them for the first time since she had arrived.

The effect was instantaneous, as she knew it would be. "What have you done? You just destroyed priceless historical artifacts on a whim! Do you even think?" Atris screeched.

"Now that's the Atris I remember," the Exile grinned.

Despite her obvious distress at the holocrons' loss, Atris managed a small smile as well. "You may not believe it, but I did miss you. Even if I did try to have you killed by announcing your existence to the galaxy at large when you were defenseless."

The Exile shrugged. "Meh, it happens. Now I'd better leave before you start getting all nostalgic on me." She shuddered. "I can drop you off on Citadel Station if you want."

"I would like that."

"Where are the handmaidens and Kreia anyway?" the Exile asked as they walked back to the Ebon Hawk.

"I'm not sure where the handmaiden sisters are, but Kreia went to Malachor V," Atris informed her.

"…Any particular reason?" the Exile asked.

"She said she wanted to talk to you," Atris explained.

"And she couldn't do it here? Or even on Dantoinne?"

"I guess not. She also said that if you didn't come, she would kill herself," Atris said gravely.

"That's a bit drastic, isn't it? I mean, what, is she trying to do, guilt me into coming? I'm not sure I appreciate that and don't really think I'd like to go and enable her any further," the Exile said. "It's for her own good, really."

Atris sighed again. "She said she'll kill herself so you'll do."

"How does that work? I mean, what, does she think I'll kill myself out of grief? I respected her devotion to the light and all, but I didn't like her that much."

"Devotion to the…" Atris spluttered. "Exile, did you even listen to a word she said?"

"Not really," the Exile admitted. "But I'm sure she's very wise."

"Clearly you didn't. Your Force Bond, remember? It's lethal?"

"Is it?" the Exile blinked. "Since when?"

Atris had to resist the sudden Sith-like urge to stab her with her lightsaber. "Since you felt Sion cut her hand off."

"Oh, that. Didn't the other Jedi all basically say Kreia was lying about it being able to kill me?" the Exile asked skeptically.

"Well, yes, but don't you think you should go anyway, just to be safe?" Atris asked.

The Exile sighed. "Fine, fine, whatever. It's not like I have anything better to do than facilitate your newfound travel agency career anyway."

When they reached the Ebon Hawk, Atton stuck his head out of the ship. "Hey, Exile, do you think you could-"

He spotted Atris and stopped dead. So did she.

Two lightsabers were activated and they both hissed, "Sith!"

"Oh, Force," the Exile groaned.


	3. Taking Back Telos

Once the Exile managed to sort that out, she made sure to lock Atris in the Cargo Hold. Not because she was feeling particularly malicious towards her erstwhile friend, but rather for the safety of herself and the rest of the crew. Since Atris and Atton were no longer intent on killing each other, it stood to reason they might team up and try to claim the Ebon Hawk for the Sith Empire. Even though Atris wasn't actually a Sith, if a harmless and maligned old woman like Kreia could somehow convince Atris she was a Sith, who knew what an actual ex-Sith like Atton could do?

Or so the Disciple insisted as he cheerfully locked Atton in the cockpit. Either way, it was very effective, as neither had attempted to kill anyone during the journey (save the three times Atton nearly flew them into a sun, but the Exile wasn't entirely convinced that was a result of anything but his poor piloting skills), but it did cause both would-be Sith to bolt for the Exit ramp the minute the ship touched down.

Lieutenant Grenn was waiting for them. "I knew you'd be back."

The Exile blinked. "How? We didn't know we'd be back."

Grenn actually snorted. "Please. Death, destruction, chaos galore, who else could be behind this?"

"But-but this isn't my fault!" she protested.

Grenn sighed. "It never is."

"But this time it really-" the Exile began.

"Just leave it, Exile," Atton advised. He turned to Grenn. "So what exactly did the Exile do this time?"

"Hey!"

Ignoring her, Grenn answered, "She lured the Sith to Telos."

"That was me, actually," Atris admitted.

"What?" Grenn turned to her.

"Um, I mean, I'll just be going now," Atris said, quickly leaving.

"Bye Atris," the Exile waved. "Keep in touch. Now," she said, turning her attention to Grenn. "How do you expect me to single-handedly fix your mess this time?"

"Well, we need you to kill all the Sith on Citadel Station. Now, granted there are a lot of them and they've taken over the turrets and are wreaking havoc and are being met with virtually no resistance, but seeing as how that's all your fault, I'm sure you won't mind."

"Um, come again? How is the lack of resistance my fault?" The Exile's eyes widened in horror. "Oh, don't tell me: I accidentally caused Bastila to fall again, didn't I?"

Grenn stared at her. "Uh, no. But I am curious as to why that's your first thought."

The Exile coughed awkwardly. "So, if that's not it, then what did I do?"

"You're joking right?" Grenn asked.

"No," Atton assured him. "She really has no idea.

"But-but that's not-" Grenn began.

"I know," Atton cut him off. "I didn't think it was possible to be that oblivious either. But then I met her."

"So are you guys gonna fill me in or what?" the Exile asked, annoyed that everyone always acted as though she weren't in the room.

"Zherron and Queen Talia sent reinforcements." Grenn paused. "I'm…not actually sure how they got here so quickly or how they even knew to come in the first place, but I suppose it doesn't do to look a gift Bantha in the mouth."

"Yeah, Bantha breath sucks," the Exile agreed.

"That's an expression, Exile," Atton informed her.

"I know," the Exile nodded. "An expression of disgust at Bantha breath."

Shaking his head, Grenn continued. "Anyway, if you hadn't done a number on Khoonda's militia and sparked a Civil War in Iziz…But anyway, if you could go that one ship that's attacking and kill everyone on board, that'd be great."

The Exile stared at him incredulously. "By myself?"

"Well, I figured I could offer you moral support from here, where I'm in less danger of getting accidentally killed by you. And maybe my men and I can try and uncover some latent Battle Meditation abilities."

"Wasn't that supposed to be really rare or something and everyone was going on and on about how great it was that Bastila had mastered it? Now even I can do it. Tell me: What is wrong with this picture?"

"Well, after Revan saw the massive therapy bill for the Ebon Hawk's crew, she immediately decided to leave the Republic and go somewhere no debt collector could find her. As Republic officers and Jedi salaries are deplorable, Mandalorians spend all their money on weapons, and Wookies on food, Bastila was left to foot the bill, so she taught classes on Battle Meditation," Green explained helpfully.

Atton stared at him. "If you could learn it from a class, why didn't anyone ever do it before?"

The time, the Exile had an answer. "Jedi don't tell anyone anything if they can help it." She frowned. "But I still don't see how she'd need to teach that many classes. How many issues did these people need to work out?"

Grenn sighed. "I was hoping you wouldn't ask that…Well, Carth Onasi had to work through his paranoid belief that every time anyone survived anything it meant that they were out to get him, that his son hadn't really reformed and was just waiting for a chance to kill him in his sleep, that he was responsible for the fate of the galaxy, some abandonment issues, and, just as he was making some real progress, Revan left and the process began again. That Cathar Jedi, Juhani, had to come to terms with the fact that she was the only Cathar left alive in the Republic and so her species would probably die with her, her lesbianism, which, in retrospect, wave very fortunate as she wouldn't ever be able to have children anyway, and the fact that she was thoroughly convinced that all Mandalorians were out to kill her family members and enslave her, despite the fact that all her family members are dead and I've heard that the guy she was thinking of wasn't even a Mandalorian anyway.

"That Twi'lek kid, Mission, had to accept the fact that she was, in fact, still a kid and that anyone more than twenty years older than her would probably always refer to her as such. She also had to learn to lover her brother without enabling him and that it's not fair to blame fellow victims, like his ex, Lena, for Griff's lack of forward-thinking. The Wookie, Zaalbar, needed extensive work to help him develop a personality and then some work getting past his reservations at beating the heads in of anyone who tried to enslave him.

"Canderous Ordo was perhaps the most successful in therapy as he stopped going on and on about the 'glory days' and immediately set out to reunite the clans, which I'm still not sure is a good thing. Then Jolee Bindo was supposed to overcome his lack of morals, but actually managed to convince four fully-trained therapists that morals were overrated anyway, which upped the price of succeeding therapists. Then Bastila herself had to contend with her unresolved issues with her mother, her brief foray into the dark side, and how nobody else but her seemed to take the Fate of the Galaxy seriously."

"I see…" The Exile said, immediately starting to calculate exactly how much her crew's therapy bill would cost and how in the name of the Force could she afford that on top of paying for G0-T0's yacht and whether the owner of the Ebon Hawk was cursed, and whether she should take Kreia's incredibly thoughtful advice and go chasing after Revan and leave someone else to foot the bills.

The Exile left Grenn and turned a corner, intending to get to the action. Instead, she ran into Mandalore. "Hey, what are you doing here?" she asked, surprised. "Are you going to help attack Telos for old time's sake?"

"No," Mandalore said irritably. "That was the Sith who destroyed Telos, not my men."

"Oh. Hey, have you ever noticed there never seems to be any Mandalorian Sith despite the fact that their Codes of Honor are eerily similar?" Silence. "Okay, so maybe that's just me. But what are you doing here then?"

"I've come to inform you that I must leave you for a time," declared Mandalore grandly.

"Okay," the Exile shrugged.

"You…don't care?" Mandalore asked, confused and a bit hurt.

"No, not really. I have enough Revan-worshippers on my ship already, between Kreia, Atton, T3, HK, and G0-T0 and so I really won't miss one. Besides, it's all starting to give me an inferiority complex. Not to mention that I probably wouldn't notice you were gone. You don't talk much, you see," the Exile quickly elaborated. "And where are you going anyway?"

"To gather the clans!" Mandalore said dramatically.

"Didn't you already do that?" the Exile asked him.

"Well, yes, but now I'm going to go gather them and we can go off and fight together!" Mandalore amended.

"…Uh, now?" the Exile asked. "Couldn't you wait until we finish saving Telos?"

"NO, I can't. I'm gathering them to help destroy the Ravager," Mandalore told her.

"Not for nothing, but aren't the Mandalorians located on Dxun?" Atton asked. Mandalore nodded. "How do you intend to get them here in time, even if you don't have to personally go there and get them yourself?"

Mandalore pretended not to hear him and hurried away.

They kept walking and soon happened upon a defeated-looking Zherron attempting to inspire his severely battle-scarred and, in some cases, arm/leg-less troops. Unsurprisingly, he wasn't making much progress.

"I can give it a go if you'd life," the Exile offered.

Zherron's eyes widened in panic. "NO!" He cleared his throat. "I mean, that's quite alright. My troops were just leaving."

The troops, no doubt remembering the last time the Exile had tried to be inspirational, nodded enthusiastically and quickly limped off. There was blaster fire for perhaps half a minute and then it stopped. Zherron glared at her.

"Do you think he's still sore I won that liability lawsuit and didn't have to pay their medical bills?" the Exile wondered.

"Most probably," Atton agreed. "Why couldn't you have just saved everybody the time and effort and just paid them?"

"Hiring that lawyer was cheaper," the Exile said simply.

"Because she was a Sith!" Atton pointed out.

"I'll admit, Sasha might not have had any morals, but neither do any of us. Besides she seemed to know T3, HK, and Mandalore already and so we got a discount."

"But she was a Sith!"

"Well, it's not like we have any room to talk," the Exile remarked idly.

Atton looked affronted before realizing that the Exile wasn't talking about him, for once. "Hey, when did you get here?" he asked Visas. "And for that matter, how did you find us?"

"I am going with you," Visas said.

"That doesn't exactly answer my question," Atton told her, annoyed. When Visas continued to be silent, he turned to the Exile. "Ever get the feeling we're being stalked?"

"Oh, you have no idea," the Exile laughed.

They continued walking and soon the Exile tripped. Atton and Visas responded by immediately throwing themselves at the closest wall.

The Exile stared at them. "What's the matter with you two?"

"Well, you can hardly blame us. Usually when you trip something dies, if not outright explodes." The Exile still looked skeptical so Atton quickly continued, "Oh, come on! Every time I trip you accuse me of being drunk!'

"Oh, right. Speaking of: Did you spike Visas's drink?" the Exile asked.

"You ask not whether he had anything to drink?" Visas questioned.

"Oh, no I know he's always drunk," the Exile said dismissively.

"Hey!" protested Atton.

"What did you trip on?" Visas forestalled yet another argument between the pair.

It was an Onderon solider. "I think he's dead," the Exile said, poking him with her toe.

"No I'm not," he said.

"Well then, you will be," the Exile corrected.

"Do you have any sort of training in this sort of thing?" the solider asked.

"Well, not but I am a Jedi," the Exile informed him.

"What does that have to do with anything?" the Soldier asked.

"Nothing, really, but that usually impresses people," the Exile explained.

"Well, seeing as how you clearly have no idea what you're talking about, I think I'll be fine," the soldier struggled to his feet. "In fact, I think I'll come with you."

"Why?" Atton asked. "People in close proximity to the Exile do seem to die very sudden and painful deaths."

"Not to mention you'd just slow us down," the Exile chimed in.

"I'll take my chances," the soldier decided. "Besides, I daresay that those you travel with have a slightly better chance of surviving than your enemies, right?" Silence. "Right?"

"Yeah, of course," the Exile said, a little too quickly.

They continued going at a much slower pace, due to the heavily bleeding solider trailing after them.

"That can't be sanitary," the Exile commented airily.

They walked into a store and were immediately attacked by about twenty Sith who had just been standing around, browsing through the merchandise. Dendis, the Duros salesman, looked half-terrified, but thrilled to be relieving vast amounts of credits from the Sith. The Exile electrocuted fifteen Sith and Atton and Visas took out the remaining five with their lightsabers.

The Exile quickly perused the store's inventory an purchased a few medpacs. She already had 300, but she had an intense aversion to pain and so made a habit of buying at least five every time she passed a store.

As she turned to leave, Visas grabbed her arm. "Exile, I was fighting the Sith and all of a sudden, I felt myself overcome with an intense desire to fight your battles and kill your enemies. It was almost as if I could not help it, that I had no choice in the matter."

The Exile groaned loudly. "Who have you been talking to, the Disciple?"

"I…don't follow," Visas confessed, confused.

"Well, this is some sort of reference to the whole 'you're-accidentally-controlling-everything-in-sight' thing the Jedi Masters were going on about, right?"

The soldier looked alarmed. "Um, what?"

Ignoring him, the Exile continued, "I mean, is it really so hard to believe that maybe you were killing my enemies because they were trying to kill you?"

"No, that couldn't possibly be it," Visas said decisively.

"Do you have any training in such matters?" the Exile asked.

"No, but I'm a Sith," Visas said.

"And that qualifies you to make such declarations?" the Exile asked, looking at the Onderon soldier.

"Yes," came the prompt reply. "But then, I've heard that being a Sith will qualify you for nearly anything. Something about not taking no for an answer.

"Cheer up, Exile," Atton told her. "These are the same people who thought assassin droids make good diplomats."

The Exile sighed in frustration and continued on towards the TSF station. Another soldier from Onderon eyed them disdainfully.

"We've got this all under control," he sniffed.

And at first glance it appeared that they did. That was the first room they'd encountered that was totally Sith-Free. Upon opening the door that lead to the Force Cages, however, the Exile saw fifteen Sith who had previously been standing idly by turn and attack.

"Clearly," the Exile said dryly. The soldier in question flushed but did not reply.

After quickly dispatching them, Atton remarked, "I'm not sure releasing criminals in an emergency situation is the best plan, but man would it have come in handy at Peragus."

The Exile then decided to loot the armory, only to discover that it was completely empty. "What in the world is the point of locking the module door then? Surely Citadel Station isn't so cheap it won't replace a few lockers?"

A TSF soldier who was standing nearby snorted and said, "You wouldn't think so, would you?"

"Alright, this is depressing, let's just go find the Ravager," the Exile said.

As they turned to go, however, they were delayed a bit by the Onderon soldier who had been following them. Or, more specifically, by the fact that he'd finally managed to bleed to death.

"After all the trouble we took getting him here, now he just ups and DIES on us? Un-freaking-believable. This is the single biggest waste of my time since trying to turn Bao-Dur into a Jedi," the Exile complained. "Hey, has anyone ever noticed that it's never the ones with the intense anger issues that fall? Perhaps therapy is counterproductive…Wait a minute…Are Sith qualified to be therapists?"

Atton shrugged. "Probably. I mean, everyone we run across seems to think you're qualified to be one, after all."


	4. How about a nap?

The Exile, Atton, and Visas were about to make their way to the Ravager when Mandalore and two Mandalorians suddenly appeared in front of her.

"Ah! Ghost!" yelped the Exile. Everyone stared at her. "They just turned off their stealth generators again, didn't they?"

Atton nodded. "Why do you guys have to keep doing that, anyway? You know she'll never get used to the idea and it's getting kind of embarrassing."

Mandalore shrugged. "Sorry, but we are Mandalorians; you've got to expect a certain degree of sadism."

"Is there any point in asking how you got here so quickly?" Atton asked.

"No, not really," Mandalore answered.

"But I assure you that we weren't stalking you," one of the other Mandalorians blurted out.

"Well, as long as you weren't doing that," the Exile said cheerfully.

"Exile!" Atton protested, aghast.

"Hm?" she looked over at him.

"I—Nothing. Let's just get going," Atton said, resigned.

"We're coming with you," Mandalore declared dramatically.

"B-but you can't!" the Exile protested, wide-eyed.

"And why not?" Mandalore demanded, annoyed at the Exile for ruining yet another one of his dramatic declarations.

"Because," the Exile huffed. "I'm not allowed to have more than two people in my party and there are three of you."

"But we're the only chance you have at blowing up the Ravager!"

"Well, I do like explosions," the Exile said, considering. "But, no, I'm sorry. Rules are rules."

Thinking quickly, Mandalore said, "Well, these two were never in your party, so they probably won't count, then it'll just be me and you can still bring either the creepy Sith girl or the drunk."

"Why does everyone keep saying that?" Atton wondered aloud. "I swear, I haven't touched a drop since Nar Shaddaa!"

"I must be there when you confront my Master," Visas said quietly, effectively ignoring Atton.

"Uh, that's great and all, but I'm not entirely sure that I want you there, since you can't seem to wrap your mind around the fact that he's not your master anymore, he could very well order you to kill me, and T3 told me how Mandalore has a history of literally not caring if his comrades live or die," the Exile told her.

Meanwhile, the two Mandalorians accompanying Canderous were looking at him with something akin to fear. Normally, that would be a good thing, but that was so not the time.

"Oh, give me a break, it was only Jagi," he snapped.

"Oh, that's alright then," one of the Mandalorians said, clearly relieved, and the other nodded his agreement.

"I must be with you when you when you confront my Master," Visas said again. That was Visas's usual strategy in an argument with the Exile: repeat a phrase or string of phrases constantly until the Exile caved.

"Why?" Atton quickly asked, lest Visas have the opportunity to repeat the statement yet again. The Exile could never resist anything when it was said three times. Try as he might, though, he could never get the full story out of her, only that, as with everything else in the galaxy these days, it could be traced back to Revan.

"Only I can understand him," Visas told him smugly.

"Look, we don't need to understand the guy, we don't have time to redeem him, we just need to kill him," Atton said, preparing himself for an argument about how 'everyone deserved the chance to redeem themselves.' And they did, of course, it's just that Atton often felt that people shouldn't have to be talked into returning to the light and should put forth some effort themselves, like he did.

But Visas shook her head. "You misunderstand; I am the only one who has any idea what of what he says."

"Bad accent, huh?" the Exile asked sympathetically, having came across quite a few cases of that during her exile.

"…Yes," Visas finally said.

"Well, I wouldn't want communications difficulties to get in the way of our fight," the Exile said, thoughtfully.

"We don't need to talk to them, we just need to kill them," Mandalore pointed out.

"That is not the Jedi way," the Exile said prissily.

"Didn't you say something about how if no one was going to treat you like a Jedi then you weren't obligated to act like one?" Mandalore asked.

"Well, yes, I did," admitted the Exile. "But that was when taking that position would support my actions. Now, taking the other opposite position is much more advantageous." She turned to Atton. "Sorry, guess you'll just have to stay here."

"Like hell," Atton said frankly.

"Sorry, Atton," the Exile said apologetically. "But you know how it is. Only two at a time."

"But how do you possibly expect me to get back to the Ebon Hawk all by myself?" Atton asked reasonably. "With Sith crawling all over the place?"

"Nonsense, we killed most of them," the Exile told him.

"And yet every time you come back through an area you've already cleared, you find out that they've instantly summoned reinforcements," Atton pointed out.

"Character building?" Mandalore suggested, smirking.

Atton sent him a withering glare and then turned back to the Exile. "And there is no way that I'm leaving you alone with two people who want to kill you," he said flatly.

"You don't have any choice, it's the rules," Visas taunted.

"Screw the rules, I have lightsabers!"

"You know, I'm fairly certain I've heard that before…" Mandalore said. "Can't remember where, though. Do you know where, Exile? Exile?"

The Exile didn't answer him, being rather occupied with standing transfixed with a horrified look on her face. "You have lightsabers? As in, more than one?"

"Um, yes?" Atton asked, hoping she wasn't going where he thought she was going.

No such luck.

"Eeew! And to think that I was considering sleeping with you?"

"You were?" Mandalore asked, horrified.

"You were?" Visas asked, horrified.

"You were?" Atton asked, thrilled.

"Yes," the Exile confirmed, irritably. "Wasn't it obvious?"

"No, not really."

"Not at all."

"Most of the romance got cut," Atton explained.

"Oh, well, I was." The Exile paused. "But not anymore. I mean, I'm open-minded, but I'm not that open-minded."

"But I don't-" Atton began.

"But you said you did," Mandalore pointed out, clearly enjoying this.

"That is true," the Exile nodded. "You could always get surgery, though."

Atton turned purple. "Surgery?" he managed to ask.

"Yeah," the Exile nodded. "I heard the scars are barely noticeable nowadays. Do something about that, and then we'll talk."

Atton mentally debated the merits of simply explaining that he had meant literal lightsabers and not any sort of sexual innuendo, but then nixed the idea, realizing that explaining anything of the sort to her would never be simple. Still, though, no reason not to make use of the misunderstanding while he was at it.

"Alright," he agreed. "But only if you let me go."

"The Exile looked imploringly at Mandalore and Visas.

Visas sighed. "Exile, you know we can't-"

"But my boyfriend can't be a freak!" the Exile whined.

"Isn't that Disciple kid interested in you?" Mandalore inquired.

The Exile looked at him for a second. "But my boyfriend can't be a freak!"

"Oh, alright," Mandalore grumbled.

"Yes, might as well bring someone to distract the Exile from my diabolical plottings." Everyone stared at her. "I mean, I think Atton's drunk," Visas quickly amended.

"Atton!" the Exile yelled.

\- -

"Hey, look, we're right outside my room! Would you guys mind if I went and took a nap? I didn't really get much sleep on the ride to Citadel Station, what with Atris's constant death threats if you wouldn't let her out," Visas explained.

"Even though we're kind of in a hurry and only have so much time before the Ravager destroys Citadel Station, which will doom all future restoration projects and your master will suck the life out of everyone in this sector of the galaxy? Except me, of course," the Exile added as an afterthought. "Seeing as how I seemed to be immune from such things as logic."

"Will of the Force?" Visas suggested.

The Exile shrugged. "Ah, what the hell. On one condition, though."

Visas tensed, and with good reason. The Exile's 'conditions' were usually incredibly arbitrary and somewhat embarrassing.

"What in the name of the Force is you master's name?"

Visas relaxed. "Nihilus."

With that, she headed off for her nap and the Exile, Atton, and Mandalore sat outside her chambers, waiting for her.

\- -

"So-" the Exile began.

"No," Mandalore said shortly.

"But-"

"No."

"Why not?" she whined.

"Because the entire Mandalorian chain of command and, in fact, whole civilization depend upon people not questioning orders!" Mandalore told her, exasperated. They had been having this conversation on and off for the past two hours.

"I'm just saying, you can't order someone not to kill themselves," the Exile tried to explain.

"Of course I can, I'm Mandalore."

"No, you CAN'T," she insisted.

"I don't see why not," Mandalore said a bit childishly, crossing his arms.

"Because if they disobey you, there's really nothing you can do to punish them, so they have no reason to listen to you on that subject. Because it doesn't make sense!" the Exile shouted, throwing her hands up in the air.

"Since when has that ever bothered you?" Mandalore asked.

"I don't know what you're talking about," the Exile said virtuously.

Mandalore snorted and Atton coughed something that sounded suspiciously like "Kreia."

The Exile dutifully ignored them.

Just then, Visas emerged from her room.

"What are you all sitting around for?" she asked, annoyed. "The Ravager is won't destroy itself, you know."

"Hey, you're the one who wanted a nap, sister," Atton pointed out.

"And now I'm ready to go and you're not," Visas countered.

Grumbling, they got to their feet and started walking.

"How are we supposed to destroy the Ravager if one of the charges detonated too early?" Atton asked.

"I don't know," the Exile shrugged. "Maybe we can just wander aimlessly and hope we happen to stumble upon one?"

"That's ridiculous," Mandalore scoffed.

"Oh yeah?" the Exile raised an eyebrow. "Well so is needing to have four different charges in four different spots to destroy one lousy ship."

"I suppose you had a better idea?" Mandalore asked.

The Exile nodded. "I did, actually. I suggested using the ship's self-destruct sequence."

"What would a ship have a self-destruct sequence?" Mandalore asked, confused.

"Beats me, but they do. They all do," the Exile assured him.

"HOW did we lose to you people again?" Mandalore asked.

"Revan is some kind of god," Atton explained.

"Ah, that's right."

Suddenly, the Exile froze.

"What is it?" Atton asked, concerned.

"I sense…"

"Yes?" he asked eagerly.

"A whiny minor character in need of redemption," the Exile finished.

Everyone groaned.

"We don't have time for this," Visas said.

"We had time for your nap," the Exile countered.

"And that's why we don't have time for this," Visas said triumphantly.

"Whatever, you guys go look for your bomb thingy and I will be off hoarding LS points," the Exile said, heading off in the direction of the minor character.

As Visas and Mandalore headed down a different hallway, Atton looked conflicted. On the one hand, he didn't trust Visas or Mandalore. On the other, it was generally a very bad idea to let the Exile go anywhere by herself. Eventually, his inexplicable crush on the Exile won out over his paranoia and he quickly caught up with her.

"Hello, I'm the Exile and I'm here to redeem you," she was saying brightly to a rather zombie-like Colonel Tobin.

"I know who you are, I'm not an idiot. Unlike some people." A very annoyed zombie-like Colonel Tobin.

"I didn't say you were," the Exile said patronizingly. "It's just that I'm a Jedi." Tobin stared at her. "Well, kind of, anyway. Enough of a Jedi that I'm not vain enough to assume that the entire galaxy knows who I am."

"Even though they all basically do," Atton added helpfully.

"Right," the Exile nodded.

"I get that, I really do," Tobin said, taking a deep, calming breath. "It's just that I've MET YOU BEFORE!" So much for that.

"You have?" the Exile said, trying to place him.

Knowing that if left to her own devices they'd be there until they all exploded, Atton quickly interceded. "Colonel Tobin, I see you survived that civil war. On second thought, I see your corpse has decided to go work for the Sith."

Tobin glared at him. "Very funny."

"Tobin, Tobin…" the Exile murmured, tapping her chin. "Nope, still doesn't ring a bell."

"He shot us down en route to Onderon and so we had to go that nature walk on Dxun, remember?" Atton prompted.

The Exile gasped. "Yes! Yes I do remember! That was you?"

"Yes, yes that was," Tobin affirmed, clearly pleased to have been placed so quickly. These things often took a while with her.

"I RUINED THREE PAIRS OF SHOES THERE!" the Exile yelled.

"Well, I would apologize, but seeing as how I was trying to kill you at the time, I doubt it would mean much."

"Grrr…" the Exile growled, looking murderously at him.

"Um, Exile?" Atton spoke up. "Not for I don't think he deserves it, but don't you think that that's just a Dark Side point waiting to happen?"

The Exile calmed down immediately. "You're right." She turned to Tobin. "Working for Nihilus is a really bad idea. He's a very bad guy who doesn't care if you live or die."

Tobin snorted. "You think General Vaklu did?"

"Hm, good point," she conceded. "But! He also doesn't care if ONDERON lives or dies."

Immediately, Tobin's eyes widened. "He…doesn't?" he whispered brokenly.

"Nope," the Exile said cheerfully.

"Hate to break it to you, but your new Master is out to destroy all live everywhere. And Onderon is part of that," Atton told him.

"My whole life is a lie!" wailed Tobin.

The Exile rolled her eyes. "You don't need to be so melodramatic. And it's only been a few weeks."

"How can I ever repent?" Tobin continued to cry.

"Um…I've got nothing," the Exile admitted.

"Well, whatever you want to do, let's hurry up and do it so we can get back to that Sith girl and Mandalore," Atton told her.

"Mandalore, that's it!" the Exile exclaimed. "That's what we'll do!"

"I don't follow," Tobin told her.

"You can go and help the Mandalorians set the charges to blow this ship up," the Exile explained.

"And then Onderon will be safe and free to prosper forever and ever?" Tobin asked hopefully.

"Um, sure," Atton said.

"Great!" Tobin cried, running off.

"Does he even know where they are?" the Exile asked.

"No," Atton answered. "But that's probably for the best. After all, he looks like a Sith, so they'd probably shoot him on sight."

The Exile suddenly looked worried. "You don't think that will affect my Light Side points, do you?"

Atton sighed. Sometimes, it seemed the only reason the Exile ever did anything was to get Light Side points and avoid Dark Side points. "No, I'm sure you'll be fine."

"Good," she said, visibly relieved. "Let's go find the others."

-

"Well, this is it," the Exile said.

"Yep," Atton agreed.

"My Master awaits," Visas added.

"Will you guys just come on already?" Mandalore demanded. "We've been standing out here for half an hour. I can literally FEEL my men considering challenging me already! Any longer and I'll have a bloody mutiny on my hands."

"Oh all right…" the Exile said reluctantly and slowly pushed open the door to the bridge. She wasn't quite sure what she expected, but she knew that she expected something. Instead, she saw that no one in there seemed to realize they were there, not even Nihilus, who was standing all the way on the other side of the room.

She walked over to one of the men stationed at the consoles. "Hi, I'm the Exile, why aren't you trying to kill me?" she asked.

No answer.

"Poke…" she poked him. He fell over. "Guys," she called to her friends, who hadn't moved from the doorway. "I think he's dead."

Atton came over and took his pulse. "Nope, he's still breathing."

"Is he a zombie like Tobin was?" the Exile asked.

"Further along, but yes, I think he is."

"What are you two doing over there?" Mandalore asked, coming over as well.

"Making sure this guy's dead," explained the Exile.

"Oh, that's easy," Mandalore said before taking out his repeating blaster and shooting him in the head. "If he wasn't before, he is now."

"Isn't there a joke about that somewhere?" Atton asked.

"Beats me," Mandalore shrugged.

Meanwhile, Visas was throwing herself at Nihilus. "Master!"

Atton groaned. "You know, he didn't even realize we were here! That would have been a great time to just start shooting at him…"

Nihilus turned around to face the group. He didn't waste any time on chitchat, unlike all their other opponents, and simply started trying to eat their life-force.

"I feel like I'm dying," Mandalore complained.

"I feel like I'm home," Visas sighed.

"I feel like I'm hung-over," Atton groaned.

"I feel a little dizzy," the Exile said. "And I must say, Mandalore, that I can't believe that the leader of the Mandalorians thinks THIS feels like dying. Guess you Mandalorians really went to hell after we kicked your guys' asses. And Atton, let me just say right now that if this is what a hangover feels like to you, then I totally hate you."

"…I think, maybe you're being affected by it less that we are," Atton suggested.

The Exile blinked. "Really? Weird."

"Aren't you going to tell him that I had no part in this?" Visas asked.

"But…you DID. You lead us straight to him," the Exile countered, confused.

"I know that, but you're not supposed to tell HIM," Visas said irritably.

"Sorry, I always tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth," the Exile declared.

"We noticed," her three followers muttered.

Sure enough, Nihilus fell to his knees and stopped sucking everyone's energy.

"Oh! This must be why Kreia let Atris bring Nihilus here! So he could try and feed on me but fail and it would weaken him and we wouldn't have to go chasing after him ourselves! Isn't she great?" the Exile gushed.

The Exile's companions did not deign to respond, but Nihilus did. Unfortunately, he sounded rather like a Kinrath and so no one could make out what he was saying.

"Visas?" the Exile prompted. "Translation?"

Visas shrugged. "Force, I don't know what he's saying."

"But you said you were the only one to understand him," Mandalore pointed out.

"I didn't say I could understand him well. All I do know that he's cursing Kreia and about to try and kill us again."

"Well, if he's going to attack first…" the Exile trailed off as the battle began again. It was far easier than she'd expected. He was clearly out of practice with a lightsaber and kept pausing in his attacks to try and drain some of their life-force. He really might not have even bothered with her as it had very little effect.

Suddenly, right when Nihilus seemed to be losing ground, Visas fell to her knees and gasped out, "It's impossible! He's too strong!"

"What's impossible?" the Exile asked, puzzled. "Defeating him in under five minutes? Yeah, he is a bit strong for that, but we should be able to do it in under ten."

"No, I mean, he is too powerful and we cannot win!" Visas clarified.

"Visas, if you're trying to use Battle Meditation to save your lover over here, it would probably help if you stopped talking and went over to, you know, meditate a little," the Exile suggested.

"I don't want him to win; I just know that he will!" Visas insisted.

"Are you feeling okay?" the Exile asked her, concerned.

"Well, except for the sense of impending doom, yes," Visas nodded.

"I think you're delusional. We're totally kicking his ass," the Exile said bluntly.

"No, we're all about to die!" Visas cried.

"Well, I tried. You guys have anything?" the Exile asked, looking to Atton and Mandalore.

"I suggest we ignore her and just keep killing this guy," Mandalore piped up.

The Exile rolled her eyes. "Okay, let me rephrase that. Do you guys have anything helpful?"

"I might," Atton allowed. "Visas, you and your Master are…linked…right?" Visas nodded. "Could you try and, um, disrupt that link?"

Visas considered for a moment and then nodded. "I can try."

With that, Atton, Mandalore, and the Exile went back to killing Nihilus.

Twenty seconds later, Visas cried out again. "I can't hold him much longer!"

"Did you even try?" Mandalore asked her.

"Yes! I tried very hard," Visas said offended.

To forestall yet another argument, the Exile quickly jammed her lightsaber into Nihilus's…heart-ish area. He fell backwards, spouted something incoherent and died.

"Did you catch that?" Atton asked.

"Yes, he said, 'And I would have gotten away with it, too, if it weren't for you kids and your meddling…'" Visas translated. "And then he died."

"That is just SO depressing," the Exile sighed.

"What, the clichéd last words?" Atton asked.

"No, the fact he didn't even get to finish them," she responded.

"Well, to be fair we don't exactly have a dog," Mandalore pointed out.

"True, I guess…Now we've wasted enough time, let's get out of here before this whole thing blows," the Exile said, heading towards the exit.

"WAIT!" Visas cried, running towards Nihilus's body.

"Oh Force, now what?" the Exile groaned. "Couldn't you have worked out your issues with your lover earlier?"

"He's not my lover!" Visas protested. "He was my Master."

"Well of course he's not NOW. He's dead," the Exile said. "And I really don't need to hear about you guys and your experiences in the wonderful world of bondage."

"But…" Visas trailed off, speechless.

"Forget it," Atton advised.

Visas nodded wearily and made her way to Nihilus's prone body. Kneeling beside it, she removed the mask and finally, FINALLY stared into the still eyes of her tormentor.

The moment was broken by the Exile's voice. "Hey," she called. "Bring me that mask, will you? I'm sure I can get at least 5000 credits for it…"

"Is money all you ever think about?" Atton asked.

"Until you decide to help me pay G0-T0…"

Visas picked up the mask and went back to the group. She handed the mask to the Exile wordlessly.

"So…um…did you find peace or whatever?" the Exile asked lamely.

"Yes."

"What did he look like?" Atton couldn't resist asking.

"Like a man and nothing more."

"Is it just me or is that, like, the worst answer ever?" the Exile asked. "But whatever, let's go."

As they turned to leave, a red cloud materialized over the fallen Sith Lord's body and zapped him with red lightning, completing destroying him without leaving a single trace.

The Exile just stared at the spot. "What the hell was that?"


	5. You're Scaring Me

When they got back to Citadel Station, Mandalore immediately said, "Okay, let's just leave before someone else accuses me of being in league with the Sith and tries to arrest me."

"I thought that was just the Exile," Atton said, confused.

"I wish," Mandalore snorted. "But it's a surprisingly common misconception, especially…on planets…the Exile visits…" he turned to glare at her.

She just shrugged and asked innocently. "So hey, don't you need to be getting back to Duxn? Where are the other Mandalorians anyway?"

"Oh, I sent them back ahead of me," Mandalore replied.

"Wait, you're staying?" Atton asked, alarmed. "Why?"

"I still need to kill that witch," Mandalore explained. "I'll show her who's playing soldier…"

"So, uh, any idea why Visas has been practically comatose since we left the Ravager?" Atton asked, a little disturbed by the sight of the Mandalorian leader muttering to himself and attempting to strangle the air.

The Exile glared at him. "Gee, I don't know Atton, maybe it's because we JUST KILLED HER LOVER! Show a little more sensitivity, Force."

"Sorry," Atton apologized. "Sensitivity-training really isn't offered when you're a Sith Assassin."

"Well, that's okay then," the Exile said, her eyes softening.

But before anything actually romantic could happen, Lieutenant Grenn ran up to them. "I…hope I'm not interrupting?" he asked, getting the strangest feeling that perhaps he should have ignored that impulse to find them at that very second.

"Not at all," Atton said through clenched teeth.

"Now, Admiral Onasi has decided that now that everything is all over and Telos is saved and you probably have a million other places you'd rather be, it's a perfect time to force you to talk to him, on pain of death."

"On pain of death?" the Exile repeated, eyes wide.

"On pain of death," Grenn affirmed.

"Isn't that a bit…extreme?" she asked.

"You'd think, wouldn't you, but most people tend to avoid spending time with the Admiral if they can help it."

"Exile…" Atton began hesitantly.

The Exile rolled her eyes. "Oh all right, you guys can go back to the ship and leave me here alone to deal with someone who is apparently so long-winded that they need to threaten people in order to get them to meet with him."

"Okay, great, bye," Atton waved as he, Mandalore, and Visas practically ran back to the Ebon Hawk.

"Traitors!" the Exile shouted at their retreating backs as she followed Grenn to Carth.

"Hello, Exile," Carth greeted her. "I've been wanting to meet you for some time."

"So I've heard," the Exile said with a tight smile.

"Come on, I'm not that bad; I knew Revan!" Carth told her.

"So did half the galaxy, it seems."

"But I can prove it! Here, listen, I was on the Endar Spire with her. Of course, I didn't know it was her at the time. She was calling herself Raven and-"

"Wait, wait," the Exile interrupted. "She was calling herself Raven?" As in, she just switched around two letters in her name and you didn't figure it out?"

"Well, no one did," Carth said defensively. "I tell you, she's a genius."

"Wither that or she was surrounded by imbeciles…" the Exile muttered.

"Would you believe she used to say that all the time? Anyway, so we wee on the ship together and she was in a mysterious coma and the Jedi wouldn't let anyone near her and kept calling her 'Rev-I mean, RAVEN' and then she didn't actually seem to know anything about it when I asked her about it on Taris. Oh, but we technically met on she ship by the escape pods. Well, actually I called her a bit before to warn her about the Sith. I mean, I called Trask, who was with her at the time, but he died, so-"

"Admiral!" the Exile interrupted. "Is it really necessary to tell me every little thing that happened?"

"Yes, I think it is," Carth nodded.

"But…didn't the Endar Spire get destroyed, like, nine months before the war ended?"

"Eleven," he corrected.

"Oh, Force," groaned the Exile.

Fourteen hours later, Carth's tale concluded. "And that's how we became heroes of the Republic. So, what'd you think?"

"I…hate you, old man," the Exile glared at him.

"Old? I can't be much older than you if you fought in the Mandalorian Wars!" Carth protested.

"Actually, I'm twenty-one," she informed him with a smile.

"But the Mandalorian Wars ended ten years ago!"

"I was a very precocious child," she said innocently.

"Clearly."

"Can I go now?" she asked, looking longingly at the door.

"I guess…" Carth said reluctantly. He obviously didn't get a great many visitors. "Wait! Should you happen to see Revan-"

"Why would I see her? She's hiding. From everyone. And the Outer Rim is a big place. Do you say this to everyone?"

"Well, yes, actually," Carth admitted. "But IF you see her-"

"Tell you?" the Exile guessed.

"No. Drag her back here so I can stop going to therapy!"

"Um, if I happen to bump into her while I'm not actively looking for her, I'll let you know…" the Exile promised him before sprinting out of the room.

\- -

"So, I'm thinking we should just hurry up and go to Malachor," the Exile said, walking into the cockpit.

"Why?" Atton asked, turning around to face her. "You don't really believe that if Kreia kills herself, you'll die, too, do you?"

"I don't know," the Exile shrugged. "I'd just feel really guilty about leaving a poor old woman like Kreia all alone on Malachor V with that horrible Sith Academy there."

"Wait, there's a Sith Academy there?" Atton asked. "How do you know?"

"Um, duh, I've BEEN to Malachor before. Remember, Mass Shadow Generator?"

"And you think that Kreia went to the Academy?"

"Of course," the Exile nodded. "After all, it's the only building on the planet and Malachor doesn't have the best weather."

"And you still don't think she's a Sith?"

"I still don't think she's a Sith," the Exile confirmed.

\- -

The Ebon Hawk was coming in for a smooth landing when, all of a sudden, the ship jerked and crashed into a cliff.

"What the hell was that?" demanded the Exile angrily as she stormed the cockpit, followed closely by the rest of the crew. "Force, Atton, your landings usually aren't THAT bad or I would have fired you by now."

"You're not paying me," Atton pointed out. "And it's not my fault! I was about to land it when this…thing…came out of nowhere and jumped on my head." He indicated an innocent-looking gizka.

"Hm, thought we got rid of all of those," Mandalore muttered.

"All I know is, I am not leaving this ship," Atton announced. "I really don't care what happens to that old witch."

His sentiments were quickly echoed by Bao-Dur, the Disciple, Visas, Mandalore, and even T3. HK, G0-T0, and the Remote had mysteriously vanished.

"I don't really care about Kreia," Mira announced. "But seeing as how no one ever goes to Malachor V anymore, I'm sure the various indigenous specious will be worth a fortune! I'm going hunting."

"I thought you were just a bounty hunter," Bao-Dur remarked.

"I'm not picky," Mira shrugged.

\- -

The Remote, who was wondering outside the ship for reasons unknown, all of a sudden received a message from its creator.

"Hey, listen, we haven't destroyed a planet in awhile, and sitting here having a string contest with that gizka is getting kind of dull, so I figured, why not blow up THIS planet? Since the first time the Mass Shadow Generator was activated, it killed all life, or at least turned them all into Sith, if we activate it again, it might blow everything up. Um, yeah…I swear, I sat down and worked this out and my logic is impeccable! It would take too long to get into, though, so you'll just have to take my word for it. I'm really not sure what the Mass Shadow Generator does, so you'll need to go to four crashed ships and mess around and see if you can stumble across some way to activate it. Good luck!"

Great. And the Exile, when she left, announced that, in the hope of getting the Sith to spare Kreia, she was not going to kill anything until she got to the Academy. And Force knows MIRA couldn't be counted on to kill anything. And he really didn't have any weapons capable of felling some of the beasts found here. This would not go well.

\- -

Right as the Remote was about to activate the fourth crashed Republic ship (and it was really fortunate, might it be noted, that only four were needed as there only appeared to BE four crashed ships on the planet), when all of a sudden, he found he couldn't move. Had he run out of fuel or…?

"Ha ha ha," G0-T0 laughed as he entered the ship. "Having a little difficulty moving? Of course you are. Somehow, despite the fact that you are always with that mechanic fixing the ship and he never sleeps, I have managed to modify your programming. Without you noticing. Or leaving any signs for the Iridonian to notice. Come to think of it, how much maintenance can one ship POSSIBLY need? Surely he can take a break once every few days or something?

"But anyway, I've decided that the destruction of one obsolete planet that a group of Sith are using as a hideout would go against my ultimate goal of galactic stabilization. I say this despite the fact that I made it clear earlier that I want either the Jedi or the Sith to be completely wiped out because I have decided at the last minute that any group that managed to form a person like the Exile does not deserve to exist.

"I've also decided to just use my power of you to paralyze you and not attempt to, in any way, sabotage your attempt to restart the Mass Shadow Generator and, as the planet will not blow up, will just wait here with you for all of eternity, NOT blowing anything up."

\- -

Mira got up off the ground right outside the ship and yawned. Maybe twenty feet away from the Ebon Hawk hadn't been the best place to take a nap, but she was tired. And couldn't be bothered to back in there with that crazy gizka on the loose.

She began walking around and, within five minutes, had a strange feeling that someone was following her. Maybe it was her new Jedi powers 'sensing' it. Or it was entirely possible it was just the heavy footsteps she heard behind her. There was only one person she knew who walked as if he weighed as much as a Hutt.

"Hanhaar," she said without turning around.

"You should have killed me when you had the chance," he growled back.

"I tried," she said, deigning to look at him. "In fact, I left you there to slowly bleed to death. How you survived that is beyond me."

"You tried to kill me!" he cried, outraged, as he lunged at her.

"You try to kill me every day," she responded, drawing her lightsaber and making short work of him.

He fell to his knees. "You have to kill me."

"Do I?" she asked, crossing her arms.

"Yes," he told her. "Or I will keep hunting you. I will never stop following you no matter HOW many restraining orders you take out."

"Well, okay then," Mira shrugged. "Bye."

"I mean it I-" Hanhaar stopped speaking as he suddenly and unexpectedly died. It was very sudden and unexpected, although the lightsaber sticking through his chest might have had something to do with it.

"Well, this is no fun; I'm heading back to the ship…" Mira muttered, retrieving her lightsaber.

\- -

The Exile, meanwhile, had finally managed to fight her way to Sion. It was a long, tedious journey to that point and she had had to slaughter the entire Academy, but the details of how she'd stayed in the room she had been in, opened the door, and stuck her hand into the next room to Force Lightning everyone to death simply wasn't very interesting and consequently, is not going to be elaborated on.

"You shouldn't have come here, Exile," Sion told her.

"I know," she nodded. "But Kreia did, and she left so suddenly and without saying goodbye that I just had to come!"

"But she wants to kill you," Sion told her. "Surely you've realized that?"

"Okay, I'll bite," the Exile said patronizingly. "Why would she want to do that?"

"Because she's a Sith."

"Have you been talking to Atton?" the Exile asked.

"Who is that?" Sion asked her, confused.

"No? Well how about the Disciple? Bao-Dur? Mira? Mandalore? You must have talked to Visas. Or, well, basically everyone I've met seems to think she's a Sith…It's a conspiracy, I tell you!"

"Just…go back to the surface and die, okay," he told her wearily.

"That's not very nice!" she huffed.

"I'm telling you this for your own good!" he protested.

"You want me to go and die for my own good?" the Exile repeated skeptically.

"Well, if you put it that way-" Sion began.

"No, that's how you put it, too," she assured him.

"Well, I just think that going and letting yourself be torn asunder will be better than-"

"TALKING to Kreia?" the Exile supplied.

"Yes."

"You're insane," she told him.

"Well, if that's how you want to do this…YOU SHALL NOT PASS!" he declared dramatically and swung his lightsaber at her.

Five minutes, later, the Exile had defeated him. "Can I go now?"

"No," Sion snapped.

"But I beat you!"

"But I'm not dead and still can't allow you to see her."

"You're just a sore lose," she accused.

"I am not!" Sion insisted.

"Yes you are, but never mind that. Did Revan build this place?" the Exile asked.

"No, Revan was weak," Sion told her.

"Um…run that by me again?"

"Revan had all this power and gave it up and ran screaming for the Light Side," Sion told her matter-of-factly.

"I'm not sure that's exactly how it happened. I mean, I heard there was some brainwashing involved," the Exile explained.

"Exactly! Revan is weak!"

"Despite the fact that Revan is, apparently, the most powerful person that ever lived?" the Exile asked skeptically.

"Yes, despite that," Sion nodded.

"You don't make any sense!" the Exile complained.

"Now you know how everyone else feels when they talk to you," Sion told her, and attacked again.

Within another five minutes, the Exile had defeated him again. "How about now?" she asked.

"NO."

"But I keep defeating you. I've done it three times now and I think that that proves that you just can't beat me," the Exile said.

"I can just wait until you wear out. After all, I'm immortal," Sion said smugly.

The Exile wrinkled her nose. "Well, yeah, but come on, who would want to be immortal when all it is is an eternity of getting inexplicably mutilated everywhere you go. I mean, if you were really old I could understand how wounds like that could have occurred, but, as Admiral Onasi was so kind to remind me, the War ended only ten years ago. What were you even DOING for those ten years?"

Choosing not to fill the Exile in on what, exactly, he'd been doing, he said instead, "You're right it wasn't worth living. Now that I've realized that I have suddenly and inexplicably become mortal again. And I also have faith in your ability to kill my Master, despite the fact that nothing has changed since I thought you couldn't."

With that, he died.

And the Exile realized something disturbing. "Wait…Kreia's you MASTER?" Most people would take such a statement to be further proof that Kreia was, in fact, a Sith, but not the Exile. "You and Kreia…oh dear lord…I feel nauseous…"

When she had sufficiently recovered, the Exile finally entered the elusive and mysterious Trayus Core to FINALLY get a chance to check up on Kreia. She was really starting to worry about her.

"At last you have arrived. Is Malachor as you remember?" Kreia asked.

"Um…not really. There's a lot less dying Republic soldiers and Mandalorians and a lot more of me singlehandedly killing scores of people," the Exile responded.

"You no doubt have questions," Kreia said. "I would be a poor teacher if I did not answer them."

"How did you manage to convince Atris she fell?" the Exile asked curiously.

"I never did anything, she was the one who fell, I merely stripped away the illusion," Kreia explained.

"You're not making any sense…" the Exile told her. "Don't worry, though, I pointed out how being told she was secretly a Sith did not necessarily make her secretly a Sith and so she's fine, now. In fact, the last I heard, she said she was off to go get some teaching lessons or something, so she's better than fine."

"I see…You are merciful, Exile."

"Oh, I know. But you'd have to be REALLY evil to let Atris go out there, forcing her lousy teaching abilities on poor unsuspecting people…Oh! And Atton wanted me to ask you this: 'Why me'?"

"Because you can kill the Force," Kreia informed her.

"Oh come on! I'm not that bad!" the Exile protested.

"You are a dead spot in the Force and, as such, beautiful to me."

"Um…I'm starting to feel uncomfortable…" the Exile said and quickly changed the subject. "So, um, what now?"

"Now you must kill me," Kreia said calmly.

"Okay, so…Wait, what?" the Exile screeched. "Why?"

"Because the apprentice must always kill the master. It is the way of the Sith."

"Oh not you, too! How many times do I have to tell you people: I am not a Sith!" the Exile declared.

Kreia looked puzzled. "I know. I was talking about me."

"Kreia," the Exile said patronizingly. "You're not a Sith."

"What? Of course I am?" Kreia snapped.

"Name one Sith-like thing you've done," the Exile challenged.

"I've been manipulating you from the moment you awoke!"

"Uh-huh. Right," the Exile said skeptically.

"I did! And I used you to distract the Sith Lords, trick them into revealing themselves so they could be killed by the Republic, reveal Atris's corruption, kill the Jedi—"

"Kreia, that wasn't your fault," the Exile said soothingly. "Trust me, I know what it's like to have unfortunate things like that follow you around everywhere." She paused. "Mostly because all of that did follow me around everywhere. But that does not make you a Sith."

"Enough!" Kreia thundered and lunged at the Exile.

"Talk about being in denial…"

When the fight was over, Kreia fell back and said, "It is done. At last it is done."

"OH FORCE! PLEASE TELL ME I DIDN'T JUST KILL YOU!" the Exile cried, hysterical.

"Don't worry, it is enough what you have done. In fact, to reward you for killing me, I'm going to tell you about the future," Kreia told her.

"The future?" the Exile asked, perking up.

"Yes, the future. Ask me anything."

"Hm…Okay. I mean, don't get me wrong, I'm still concerned that you're DYING, but I kind of have a thing for fortune telling, so…How about we start with my friends?" the Exile suggested. "What happens to them? Does Mira every stop chasing me?"

To her surprise, Kreia began to laugh. "You travel with them for so long, yet you do not know them, still."

"Well, that's probably for the best. There are all very strange and disturbing people," the Exile confided.

"They are the lost Jedi, the true Jedi, upon which the future will be built," Kreia began.

The Exile looked horrified. "We're all screwed, aren't we?"

"Yes, yes we are. Now, to answer your question about Mira, yes, she will eventually stop hunting you, but only after five more years. Then Mandalore's bounty will be high enough for her to pursue him instead."

"Great," the Exile groaned. "Five more years of this…Maybe I should have taken Sion's advice, after all…"

"Mandalore's bounty will go up because the Mandalorians will plague the galaxy on-and-off for the next 4000 or so years, but they will never wage a war that is quite so successful at the one you are a veteran of. That's not to say that they won't try every twenty years or so, but-" Kreia broke off as she noticed the Exile had gotten down on her knees and was banging her head on the floor. "Stop that!"

"Oh alright…Every twenty years…I need to retire within the next ten, then. Hey, what about Visas?"

"The Disciple will force her to serve with him on the New Council and they will eventually get together, no doubt helped along by the fact that Visas is blind."

"So he'll eventually get over me?" the Exile asked hopefully.

"No."

"Damn. What about Atton?" the Exile said, moving on to a more pleasant subject.

"He is, as always a fool, and the Force watches out for fools."

"Does he love me?" the Exile asked.

Kreia stared at her, unable to believe she didn't already know this. Then again, she refused to believe that she was a Sith, either, so maybe it wasn't that surprising. "He is of a fool, of course he does."

The Exile swallowed and asked nervously. "Do you love me?"

"I would have killed the galaxy to preserve you. You are not a Jedi, not truly, and that is why I love you," Kreia answered.

"Seriously, you're scaring me," the Exile said, backing away a bit.

"Well you asked," Kreia shot back, defensively. I do not know what will happen to Bao-Dur or the droids. And now…and now I am really dying…" she gasped out.

"You've been dying for the past ten minutes," the Exile remarked. "I'm kind of used to the idea by now."

"Ungrateful little…" Kreia murmured as she died.

"Well, if that's all," the Exile said and turned to leave.

\- -

"Hey, what are you guys doing here? This place is gonna blow!" the Exile said, as she entered the ship G0-T0 and the Remote were waiting it.

"I can't leave until that button is pressed," explained the Remote.

The Exile shrugged and pressed the button, "Now can we go?"

"NOOOOOOOOOOOO!" G0-T0 wailed as he followed the Exile and the Remote back to the Ebon Hawk.

\- -

"So, Atton, I was thinking that maybe now we can finally-" the Exile began, but was interrupted by Atton kissing her.

"Yeah," he said. "Me too."


End file.
